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I am currently systematically sampling bulk - supply domestic Australian beer.

* The beer must be marketed and sold as a slab or equivalent, it cannot be purchased as four six packs for example.

* One souvenir can or stubby must be one from the actual slab (not just any one).

* I must consume all or most of the slab myself. The odd one shared is OK but eg. cannot go thirds or quarters.

So far the collection has yielded 29 different cans or stubbies. Commentaries on each of these fine Australian products will appear under the links below. Stay posted, as the list will continue to grow.

Special Mention - "Boon and Cath's Home Brew"

Boon and Cath's home brew does not satisfy the rules of the beer commentary site, but it did deserve a very special mention as it had a very "unique" pretaste, taste, and aftertaste.

The Half hour I spent working on one of Boon's beauty's was like trying to shove a cat down a drainpipe. It seemed like a sweet task at first, but it proved to be an awkward and painful ordeal.

Not a brew for the faint hearted or limp wristed, the "Boon and CT Brew" sets apart the men from the mice, and requires a strong mettle and fortitude, but is all worth it in the end. Cant wait for the next batch.

A fine standard drop if taken care of. Crisp, wholesome, full taste, like mother's milk, but cold and not creamy or good for you. Every care must be taken, however, to keep it cold if bought cold, until consumption. Likewise, if bought warm then it may be kept warm until cooled, in which case it is to stay cool until consumed. Of course, some trust is placed on the manufacturer / supplier having the same careful planning and handling of his precious produce. I have been stung twice on that one, which began, some time ago, my search for an alternative staple Australian made beer. It has been a very pleasant journey. Best consumed in a stubby, VB tastes like weak cordial on tap.

Certainly the best beer on tap in the world. A generous, fulfilling taste which goes down best with a bit of dust on the upper lip (ie after work, motorbike riding etc). Pretty good in a stubby or can as well, although there are better options, so perhaps Carlton is best kept for a luxury at the local.

The finest product from CUB is best served as a stubby. Very good in a can, too rare on tap to comment. A gentle nudge on the palate, with a deep flavor and slides down a willing throat with an elegant, smooth candor. Every sip is like a mate patting you on the back, and only practice and disciplined self control will prevent you from turning around to see who it was. A fine drop.

CUB's famous export is actually not bad. Although you generally cant buy it in Victoria, I have sampled it in India and England, and managed to get a special release slab during the last Melbourne Grand Prix. It is not dissimilar to the other fine CUB products, with a fine flavor to get those pommies thinking of hot Aussie chicks, and buy more Fosters to "foster" the association.

Toohey's infamous cheap domestic beer Is definitely an acquired taste. A mate actually recommended the stuff after he won 20 pots at the pub and got hooked. Once you get used to the special toohey's tang, each beer is like a friendly busty fat chick giving your head a hug, with your arm flailing about, not sure whether you are lucky or the subject of misfortune. Best sampled in a can. Preferably while distracted, such as ocean fishing etc, to detract from , or enhance, the taste, depending on your predisposition. Not a good beer to have as a relaxing repose after work or play. Maybe later after having a few finer ales.

Toohey's darker beer, which has seen marketing success due to the accociation between the word old and the dark color, is not bad. It is a smooth ale with only a hint of that "Toohey's tang", a very moderately creamy taste lends an alright beer some credibility. Best sampled in a stubby, although I haven’t seen them in cans anyway. Also very good on tap, and makes for a fine alternative to the mainstream beer they are serving, which would probably be Tooheys new. It takes one from the Smokey hot bar, for just a moment, to a cool misty meadow in mother England, where pretty young milk maids have gathered to dance and herald the coming of spring.

Swan is made by the same company who makes Emu Export and Emu Bitter, all of which compete for the West Australian market, and none of which are in demand in the Eastern states. Despite this geographic and economic connection, it is as different from the Emu products as Tooheys Red is from Vic. It has arguably got a dash of that "Toohey's tang" about it, but not really in a bad way. Perhaps it hides a more sinister flavor, perhaps they got the dose just right, but in any case, it is not altogether an offensive beer. Best taken in a stubby, (cant remember seeing cans anyway) it is a great fishing beer, and refreshing on tap. No good if taken sitting down however.

The finest beer I have tasted. A smooth, generous flavour which tells of a careful preparation and wholesome ingredients, borne of fine Australian soil, and basked in fresh Aussie sunshine until just right. If beer could acquire the taste, mood, culture, feeling of those preparing it, then this beer would be prepared by a bunch of happy young blokes, and a couple of chicks, who walked with a spring in their step, told jokes all day, and did somersaults over the vat for fun. They would be providing impromptu performances to each other all day, singing, dancing and playing rock and roll, without compromising their duties toward the beer throughout. It would be a happy place, and everyone would feel welcome. I only tried the cans, and they were good anywhere, but particularly on the beach while fishing.

This Aussie made, NZ owned headache maker is actually a smooth drop. It has been brewed with care so as not to produce any flavor which can possibly offend. While they have certainly achieved this, it has been at the expense of any flavor at all, so one must be in the right mood. Good for fishing trips, surprise house parties, storing in the boot of your car for emergencies (remember that most CUB and other quality beers are no good for this). Be careful of cheap slabs or blocks, however, where the price is quite low - they have been known to produce 4.2% ale, the only indication is in the fine print. There is no excuse for mid or low strength beer.

This red lablelled cheap domestic beer is a watered down version of Emu Bitter. A similar flavor and feel, but with a strong hint of that off taste which VB aquires after being from the boot to the fridge several times over summer, and stored for 6 months in a damp place (so that the lid starts to rust) and exposed to the morning sun.

A quality drop, West Aussie's most popular beer is their equivalent to VB for good reason. Excellent cold and fresh in a stubby or can, and pretty good on tap as well. No good if stored too long, and like CUB ales, care needs to be taken with temperature. See VB for instructions..

South Australia's most popular domestic beer is pretty good. It's not worth mentioning in a postcard to Victoria, but it is a fine drop without any "Toohey's tang" or northern dogs' piss type afflictions. If beers were girls, it would look average to ugly in the same room as the VB chick, but would have the same size or larger breasts.

Usually referred to by non-Queenslanders as dogs piss, this northern ale is definitely an acquired taste. While there is no evidence to suggest that dogs had anything to do with the brewing process, this remains to be seen, with the flavor being reminiscent of what one would imagine the stuff to taste like. Perhaps it is because no one is ever game to sample dogs piss to make the comparison, that they get away with it. I found that the beer was OK after a while, one developed some immunity to that special northern poison. Best consumed ice cold on 40+° days, while thinking about something else.

This ambitious brew has been the subject of the ire of many a drinker over the last two or so years, as many a fine CUB selling, privately owned pubs, have been taken over by a NZ giant. "Toohey's Pubs" have become a scourge on the drinking scene, selling exclusively their new competitor to Vic and Carlton.

Notwithstanding this controversy, the beer itself seems to be stuck in the middle. Like a spoilt child being sent to boarding school, despite the circumstances there does seem to be some good in the lad. There is a fair hint of that "Toohey's tang" which makes the Red a hard task for the stubborn palate, and the remaining part is like it's been fermented in an old holden radiator, but the overall impression is tolerable enough to put up with the conditions which have forced you to drink the stuff, such as a free piss up, or a good pub serving only New.

Not called girls' beer without reason. Certainly the most feminine of the CUB stable, but despite this, not a bad drop. If your wrists are feeling a bit limp, or you like to get in touch with your delicate side, possibly the best choice. It has an inoffensive flavor and gentle on the palate. More like a couch if beers were chairs, a fine choice if no one is looking.